Friday, September 18, 2009

Movie Theater Patrons

INT. MOVIE THEATER

A bunch of friends are seeing a movie.

DOUG
I heard this movie was THE SHIT.

CHRIS
I heard this movie IS SHIT.

PAMELA
I never HEARD of this MOVIE.

OLD GUY
Will you kids shut up!?

DOUG
I heard that old guy behind us SHIT HIMSELF

CHRIS
I heard that old guy behind us was gay as SHIT.

PAMELA
What old guy behind us?

DOUG
HEY THE MOVIE IS STARTING.

The movie starts. You hear an orchestral score.

CHRIS
What's with all these words?

DOUG
Yeah I don't get it, HUH?

PAMELA
Are these real words?

OLD GUY
They're the opening credits you retards!!

DOUG
SHUT UP!

CHRIS
So they're like...names?

PAMELA
Are our names going to come up?

CHRIS
OH SHIT! That's awesome!

OLD GUY
They're names of people who worked on the movie! Jesus!

DOUG
SHUT UP! Oh ok, the words are going away!

CHRIS
I THINK THE MOVIE IS STARTING, YOU GUYS! HEY OLD GUY! THE MOVIE IS STARTING!

OLD GUY
Stop talking!

DOUG
What's that??

CHRIS
Huh!?!?

PAMELA
Is that a house?

DOUG
Who's house is that??!?

CHRIS
That's not MY house.

PAMELA
It's not MY house.

DOUG
It's not --

OLD GUY
Oh my god, it's not any of your houses! It's a movie! We'll find out who's house it is in 2 seconds!

DOUG
Hey I think it's that woman's house.

PAMELA
Ooh, she's pretty.

CHRIS (to movie screen)
Hey baby, what's your phone number? Let me get it. Let me get it.

DOUG
HAHA she's totally ignoring you!

CHRIS
Baby. Let me get it. Let me get it.

OLD GUY
It's a movie! She can't hear you!

CHRIS
STOP FUCKING COCK BLOCKING ME, OLD GUY.

PAMELA
Hey look, is that her husband?

CHRIS
Oh shit, she's married.

Chris ducks down.

DOUG
What are they talking about?

CHRIS
I don't know!!!

PAMELA
It's like they're talking about something...or something!!

OLD GUY
SHUT UP AND JUST WATCH THE MOVIE!

DOUG
Is that a window on the house?

CHRIS
No, you fucking stupid shit, it's not a...oh yeah, that's a window.

PAMELA
That's a NICE window. It's big.

DOUG
THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY!!!!

OLD GUY
Oh my fucking god, forget this, I'm leaving.

CHRIS
Oh look the old guy is bidding us adieu.

PAMELA
What old guy?

CHRIS
Hey look at the movie!! They're walking into another room in the house!

PAMELA
HUH!??!?

DOUG
I think they're walking to the kitchen???

PAMELA
WHAT?!?

CHRIS
YEAH THEY'RE WALKING TO THE KITCHEN, MAYBE TO GET FOOD?!?

PAMELA
I DON'T GET IT.

DOUG
Is this a fucking artsy movie or something??

CHRIS
Fuck this shit let's leave. Fucking bullshit art.

They leave the theater. Outside the OLD GUY is complaining to the box office girl.

OLD GUY
They were talking and ruining the movie! I want my money back!

BOX OFFICE GIRL
Oh is that the movie with the house with the big windows and the guy and the girl walk into a kitchen!?!!?


THE END.

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