Saturday, September 26, 2009

Candy Shop

INT. CANDY STORE

We are in a candy store. MANAGER and CLERK are talking.

MANAGER
GOD DAMN IT! THESE CANDY CANES HAVEN'T MOVED ALL MONTH! TONY! ARE YOU PUSHING THE CANDY CANES?

TONY
Nobody seems to want to buy the candy canes. Even after we made the sign.

Tony takes out a massively giant sign that says "BUY A CANDY CANE MAYBE WHY DON'T YOU?"

MANAGER
BAH!!! That sign has too many words! Make it say... "CANDY CANE: BUY IT, SHMUCK!"

TONY
Oh so just like the gummy bears sign?

MANAGER
YEAH, SHMUCK! And while we're at it...Why aren't you doing the candy dance?

TONY
Ughh...Because it's stupid.

MANAGER
But you gotta do the candy dance for every sale! That's what keeps people coming back!

TONY
But don't you think doing it at EVERY sale is just too much? I mean we get a ton of customers here, people are always buying candy...

MANAGER
DO THE CANDY DANCE!!! NOW!!!!

The manager pulls up a chair and sits in it, ready to be an "audience" for the candy dance. Tony looks at him a disgruntled beat then starts the candy dance. It's a wacky routine with a red and white striped hat, a giant candy cane and involves lots of frolicking and jumping and candy prop shenanigans.

TONY
And that's why we doooo the candy daaaaaaance.

MANAGER
HAHAHAHA! YEAH, YOU GOTTA DO THAT EVERY SALE!

TONY
Alright. Can we at least cut it down? Maybe cut out 2 minutes?

MANAGER
WHY? GOT SOMEWHERE ELSE YOU NEED TO BE?

TONY
Huh, I guess not. I just feel kind of winded doing that 60 times a day.

MANAGER
WELL EAT SOME MORE CANDY! GET YOUR BLOOD SUGAR UP!

A customer walks in.

CUSTOMER
Hi, do you have donuts?

MANAGER
DONUTS?!? DONUTS?

TONY
Are donuts candy?

MANAGER
OF COURSE NOT! GET OUT OF HERE! NO DONUTS HERE! WHAT DO WE LOOK LIKE A KRISPETIE KREMERY OR SOMETHING?

CUSTOMER
My apologies. I'll just show myself out. Hey candy canes!

MANAGER
TOO LATE MISSY! GET OUT!

She runs out.

TONY
Aw man, we had a candy cane sale!

MANAGER
EHH HER MONEY'S NO GOOD HERE. Sometimes I swear, I feel like burning this place to the ground, watching it melt while the rats eat up every last inch of it.

TONY
Heh.

MANAGER
BUUUT THAT JUST ISN'T GOOD BUSINESS. Tony...do the candy dance again, cheer an old man up.

TONY
Maybe I should just go work at Krispy Kreme. I bet they don't make their employees do a "donut dance"

MANAGER
YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!


THE END.

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