Sunday, September 27, 2009

Dream Sketch

INT. McDonalds

MATT
So, this is McDonalds, huh?

DAVE
Yeah, isn't it great!

MATT
Yes it is great. I like the food at McDonalds.

DAVE
Yeah! Hey, you know that book you wrote? It's on fire.

Matt turns and sees a book on fire.

MATT
Oh no, but I spent 10 years writing that book!

DAVE
10 years? You're not even 10 years old!

MATT
What? Wait...something is strange here.

DAVE
Man I'm so full, I think I'm going to throw up.

MATT
Is this...a dream? I'm in a dream aren't I?

DAVE
A dream? You know...I think you're right. This is a dream. We never go to McDonalds.

MATT
So this is a dream...and I KNOW it's a dream. So I can make anything happen now?

DAVE
That may be true. That may be true.

MATT
OK. I want to have sex with every girl in here!

DAVE
....Maybe you have to say it louder.

MATT
Okay. LISTEN SUBCONSCIOUS -- I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH EVERY GIRL IN HERE!!!!

DAVE
Nothing's happening. Wait...try this...

Dave whispers in Matt's ear.

MATT
Hm. I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH EVERY GUY IN HERE!!

Suddenly all the guys in McDonald's line up in a row and bend over in front of Matt.

MATT
Oh...weird. So this is what I want?

DAVE
Better get started.

MATT
But I don't think I want this. Ok, let me try something simpler. I WANT TO FLY!

Nothing happens.

DAVE
Nothing's happening.

MATT
I WANT TO FLY!

Matt jumps around. Nothing happens. A black man walks into McDonalds and starts screaming.

BLACK MAN
FUCK ALL YOU WHITE MOTHERFUCKERS! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU BITCHES!

MATT
Uhhh

DAVE
That's kind of racist. Are you...racist?

MATT
If your dream is racist does that make you racist?

BLACK MAN
ALL YOU WHITE PEOPLE ARE GONNA DIE.

MATT
Why would I dream this? I don't think I'm racist.

DAVE
I guess you're scared of black people?

MATT
I WANT THIS BLACK MAN TO BE NICE AND NOT SCARY ANYMORE!

The black man charges up to Matt.

BLACK MAN
Hi there sir, may I shine your shoes?

MATT
Ahhhh wait...I didn't mean to make him like...my servant. This isn't what I want...

DAVE
So you're really racist.

MATT
I DON'T WANT ANY BLACK PEOPLE IN MY DREAM!!!

The black guy walks over and bends over like the other men in the dream.

DAVE
Maybe you should just wake up.

MATT
This is so confusing!!!

DAVE
Well I gotta go, I have a date with Laura Prepon.

MATT
From That 70's Show?

DAVE
I guess.

MATT
I WANT TO LEAVE THIS DREAM WORLD RIGHT NOW!!!

Matt wakes up in bed.

MATT
Wow...what a weird dream. Honey...I just had the weirdest dream.

A gorilla wearing a cheerleader outfit comes out of the bathroom, holding an accordion.

GORILLA
TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT!


THE END.

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