Jeff Popsburg looked at the mountain.
"Big mountain," he thought. Jeff tightened his laces, adjusted his hat, and walked toward the giant landmark.
BUMP. He walked right into the mountain. "Ow," Jeff exclaimed. He also thought this. "Ow," he thought.
He tried again. SLAM. His face right into the rock. His glasses broke. He tossed them aside. "Free glasses!" he yelled. But nobody answered. "Huh. Guess no one recognizes a good deal when they see one!"
He tried a 3rd time to conquer the majestic mountain. He walked. He walked slowly. Determined. Careful. With caution, but with aggression.
SMACK. The mountain hit him so hard in the head, that blood trickled down his forehead. It went into his mouth. He licked his lips. "So that's what blood tastes like!" Jeff realized. He grabbed his water bottle from his bag, emptied it, and filled it with more of his blood.
He drank his own blood. "This way, I can't really lose any blood, because it's going right back into me!" Jeff thought, like a fucking moron.
He died of blood loss, and from a concussion. The mountain had claimed yet another lost soul.