INT. Recording studio
People are recording a DVD commentary track.
ENGINEER
Alright guys, so we're gonna go ahead with recording this commentary track. We try to do these things in one take, so just relax, have fun with it, and try to keep the dialogue consistent.
DIRECTOR
No problem.
ACTOR
Yep yep.
ENGINEER
And...we're rolling.
DIRECTOR
Ok, so this here is the OPENING CREDITS for the movie.
ACTOR
They are beautiful.
DIRECTOR
Some graphic design guy did these fucking things.
ACTOR
Looks good to me.
DIRECTOR
Yeah. Hey there's your name buddy!
ACTOR
My fucking name, right there!
ENGINEER
Uh...Hey guys, I'm going to stop this for a second. I just want to make sure you guys understand...this is going on the DVD.
DIRECTOR
Yeah, man.
ENGINEER
Okaaay...it's just...this is commentary for Petey the Antelope's Picnic Adventure. You know...little kid movie?
DIRECTOR
Well if they are INTERESTED in the PROCESS they must get an HONEST and truthful commentary from the ARTISTS.
ENGINEER
No no, you can be as honest as you want, it's just...the language?
ACTOR
English?
ENGINEER
The cursing. Please keep this down. I mean, we can bleep you in post production but I'd rather it not come to that, you know?
DIRECTOR
Sure. PROCEED. Please.
ENGINEER
Alright...we are a go.
DIRECTOR
Ahh, and so my children, the movie begins.
ACTOR
Ah we have Rose McGowan here doing the voice of Missy Antelope.
DIRECTOR
Beautiful, beautiful woman.
ACTOR
You know, me and her...we...heh heh...remember that day I wouldn't come out of my trailer?
DIRECTOR
You fucked her? You fucked her?
The enginner gives him a frantic look.
DIRECTOR
Oh, SORRY. You...had sex with Rose McGowan?
ACTOR
Yep. She is a FREAK.
DIRECTOR
Well I should know...I had sex with her too!
ACTOR
What!? Hahaha.
DIRECTOR
Me and you should have teamed up on her, that would be something to write home about!
ENGINEER
OK guys, seriously? Little kids don't want to hear about this stuff...I don't want to hear about this stuff. Can we please keep it clean?
ACTOR
We weren't cursing!
ENGINEER
Don't talk about things of a graphic, sexual nature on Petey the Antelope's Picnic Adventure, alright?
DIRECTOR
How the hell are we supposed to fill up 70 minutes of this thing?
ENGINEER
NOT. MY. PROBLEM. We're rolling.
DIRECTOR
Ah, here we go, the big wake up scene. We have Petey's mommy waking him up to go to school.
ACTOR
I had to practice yawning for several days before we recorded this. I had a yawn coach.
DIRECTOR
Oh well it paid off. Hey, you don't have any coke on you do you?
ACTOR
Oh sure right here.
DIRECTOR
SNORRRRRRRRRRT
ACTOR
SNOOOORRRRRRRRRTTTTTT
ENGINEER
OH MY GOD! You guys can't snort coke on a DVD commentary!
DIRECTOR
YOU WANT SOME OF THIS SHIT?
ENGINEER
How did you guys even get this movie together? Jesus christ! Fine, do what you want. The studio will have to judge the results on their own. I just press the "record" button.
DIRECTOR
PETEY YOU BEAUTIFUL BITCH YOU BETTER NOT RUIN THAT FUCKING PICNIC
ACTOR (vomits)
BLARGHGHGHGHG
THE END.
