Sunday, September 06, 2009

Flab Fall Down

INT. ABANDONED MENTAL HOSPITAL

KAREN, JOHN, and a SCIENTIST, DR. FLAB, are exploring the ruins of an abandoned mental hospital.

KAREN
Me oh my, this abandoned mental hospital is some creepy shit!

JOHN
I don't know about that, Karen! Maybe we should ask the scientist, Dr. Flab?

DR.FLAB
Based on all scientific research and by the powers invested in me, I do confirm that this abandoned mental hospital is indeed the creepiest of shits!

KAREN
See?

JOHN
Wow, Karen! Maybe you should be a scientist too!

KAREN
Oh my god I would LOVE THAT, it's too bad I'm so stupid!

The trio walk over to some writings on a wall.

DR.FLAB
Good heavens!

JOHN
What is it, Doctor?

DR.FLAB
These inscriptions...they are a warning.

KAREN (hysterical, falling to the floor, tearing her hair out)
OH GOD. OH GOD. AUGHGHGH. AUGHHH!!!!!

JOHN
A warning of what?!?

DR.FLAB
It states...'All ye who enter ye into ye abandoned hospital of mental malcontents....

KAREN
SAY IT IN ENGLISH, DOC!!!!

DR.FLAB
'...will forever be hunted'...no....haunted? It says haunted or hunted?

JOHN
Well those two are almost the same thing.

KAREN
I think I prefer 'hunted.'

JOHN
Ehhh I prefer 'haunted.'

DR.FLAB
Wait, it says 'hounded.' HOUNDED.

JOHN/KAREN
Ahhhhhh.

DR.FLAB (continuing)
'...will forever be hounded by...the ghost of Dr. Flab...'?

Silence.

KAREN
But...but...you're not a ghost, are ya, doc?

DR.FLAB
I....I don't believe so.

A BOOMING VOICE SAYS "NOT YET!!! HAHAHAHAHAH"

DR.FLAB
My God! Who said that? Show yourself!

An average looking guy emerges from the darkness. His voice is completely different from THE BOOMING VOICE.

GUY
I said that. Me.

BOOMING VOICE (OS) SAYS "NO YOU DIDN'T!!!"

ANOTHER guy steps in and throws "average looking guy" out of the picture. This is now the actual BOOMING VOICE GUY, whose name is Duncan.

DUNCAN
HELLO. MY NAME IS DUNCAN.

KAREN
AUGH!

DR.FLAB
Duncan? What's all this nonsense about? Who are you? Am I a ghost? What is going on?

DUNCAN
The Ghost of Dr.Flab was a long told legend here at the old nut house. One mental patient started repeating the phrase over and over...'the ghost of dr.flab, the ghost of dr.flab'....then another one...then another. It drove everybody mad.

JOHN
I thought everyone was already mad?

DUNCAN
It's like...you think you're mad, but then you're like EVEN MORE MAD. There are LEVELS is what I'm saying. Shut up. And now it seems like the real Dr. Flab has finally made his way here.

DR.FLAB
But this doesn't make sense! I'm not a ghost! I just ate some sandwiches, ghosts can't do that!

DUNCAN
(imitating his voice) "Ghosts can't do that!!" What would you know about GHOSTS, scientist? There are things in this world far beyond your rational explanations.

KAREN
CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT'S GOING ON BEFORE I SHIT MYSELF!!!

DR. FLAB
Yes...Duncan, please. What do these inscriptions mean? I'm not a ghost and I don't intend to hunt-

JOHN
Haunt.

KAREN
Hound.

DR.FLAB
HOUND. I don't intend to hound anybody!

DUNCAN
There are those who say that if you reach a certain level of madness, you can foresee the future. For example, I say that.

GASPS all around.

DUNCAN
This mental hospital wasn't JUST a mental hospital. It housed a special kind of warped brain...damaged psychics, disturbed fortune tellers, broken mind readers. And now I am going to kill you.

DR.FLAB
Woh...I...what?? You were in the middle of your story!

DUNCAN
YAWN. How can you ever be a ghost and hound this mental hospital forever unless someone takes action!! BANG BANG!

Duncan "shoots" flab with his fingers. Flab fall down.

JOHN
You killed him! Somehow!

KAREN
But I loved him!

DUNCAN
NOW HIS GHOST WILL HOUND YOU FOREVER!! HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Duncan disappears into the darkness.

KAREN
This place is so stupid!! I'm scared!

JOHN
It's OK Karen. It's OK. Dr. Flab was our friend, he wouldn't hound us!

Dr. Flab's ghost rises from his body.

DR.FLAB
Hey guys.

KAREN
AUGHHHH!!!!!!!

DR.FLAB
Well, this is my thing now I guess. I'm gonna be at this abandoned mental hospital forever. That's depressing.

KAREN
Oh, doctor. It doesn't have to be! You could put a vase right over there, some flowers...I have my paintings you can put up!

DR.FLAB
Karen you're a terrible artist.

JOHN
It's true, Karen. Nobody wants your paintings.

KAREN
FINE. FORGET IT. TRYING TO HELP. FORGET IT.

DR.FLAB
You two better get out of here. You'll come back and visit though, right?

JOHN
Ehhhhhhhhh....I'd like to, but I think I'm allergic...I've been feeling kind of sniffly this whole time.

KAREN
Yes, I don't want to visit you. This place is horrifying.

DR.FLAB (faking)
HEY LOOK, another ancient inscription!! 'John and Karen are bad friends!' WOW!

KAREN
I'm not a bad friend!

JOHN
How did they know that?


THE END.

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