Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Eye Doctor

INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE

JEFF is at the eye doctor. The doctor's name is DR. FRED.

DR.FRED
Aaaaand open your eyes. And close your eyes. And open them again.

JEFF
So how are my eyes looking, doc?

DR.FRED
Very nice, very pretty. You know they change color every time you close and open them again?

JEFF
Really? Is that a problem?

DR.FRED
No, no, not at all. It's just crazy weird! Hahaha!

JEFF
Ha ha!

The doctor examines Jeff's eye closer.

DR.FRED
Oh...Oh my. Oh my no.

JEFF
Something wrong?

DR.FRED
Ohh no. Oh no. Would you look at that...Oh my goodness.

JEFF
What's wrong with my eyes?

DR.FRED
Eye. Just the one eye here is what I'm reacting to. Oh god, no.

JEFF
Ok, my eye? What's wrong with my eye??

DR.FRED
I'm afraid I'll have to go in there.

JEFF
What?! What's wrong with it?

DR.FRED
Jeffrey, have you ever heard of oxytossiloctopus?

JEFF
No.

DR.FRED
Of course you wouldn't. You aren't a genius doctor like I am. Oxytossiloctopus is rare form of disintegration that's caused by a parasite commonly found in most urinals.

JEFF
Disintegration?

DR.FRED
And now I must take your eye out. Don't worry, we can anesthetize you.

JEFF
You have to take my eye out!?

DR.FRED
You ask a lot of questions! Yes. That pee parasite has really got it's claws in you. I'm surprised you can't see it, I mean, it IS right on your eye.

JEFF
So THAT'S why I've been having those nightmares about the giant parasites.

DR.FRED
Let me just get my instruments.

Dr. Fred walks out of the office and comes back with a guitar and harmonica.

DR.FRED
Get it!?!? INSTRUMENTS???

JEFF
Huh?

DR.FRED
"Let me just get my instruments" I said!

JEFF
Sorry doctor, but EYE just don't see your point.

They both look at each other for a beat, then start laughing.

DR.FRED
"Eye don't see!" That's good! That's very, very good!

JEFF
Yeah!!!

DR.FRED
Catch.

Dr. Fred throws a spoon at Jeff's eye. It scoops his eye out, it rolls on the floor.

DR.FRED
You're cured. Get out.

JEFF
OW!!!


THE END.

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