Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Domino's Hell

Note: This sketch is based on something that just happened to me.

INT. HELL

A demon is torturing a Domino's employee.

DEMON
MUHAHAHAHA. See what happens when you put sausage pieces in a customer's pasta bread bowl!! SEE WHAT HAPPENS??

DOMINO'S EMPLOYEE
PLEASE! I DIDN'T MEAN TO!

DEMON
Oh sure! Maybe the first time! But twice in a row? TWICE IN A ROW?

D.E.
I SWEAR! I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!

DEMON
So first Jordan tries to order online, BUT THE WEBSITE DOESN'T WORK!

Demon tortures more.

D.E.
I DON'T RUN THE WEBSITE! THAT'S NOT MY FAULT!!

DEMON
So first he tries to order on Firefox, then it doesn't work! THEN HE TRIES SAFARI, AND STILL TO NO AVAIL! SO HE HAS TO CALL UP, AND HIS HOUSE HAS REALLY BAD CELL PHONE RECEPTION!! HE HAS TO CALL AND ASK FOR ALL THESE DISGUSTING FOOD ITEMS BY NAME! SHAME AND FEAR IN EVERY WORD!!

D.E.
I'M SORRY!

DEMON
QUIET! AND THEN HE ORDERS A BREAD BOWL BECAUSE HE'S CURIOUS! AND THEN THE BREAD BOWL PASTA SHOWS UP...AND WHAT HAPPENS?

D.E.
I DON'T KNOW!

DEMON
THERE'S SAUSAGE IN IT! DON'T YOU KNOW JORDAN IS A VEGETARIAN!?

D.E.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!

DEMON
SO HE ACCIDENTALLY EATS A PIECE OF SAUSAGE! AND THEN HE HAS TO PICK THEM OUT OF HIS FOOD...AND BELIEVE ME...THEY WERE EVERYWHERE!!

D.E.
NO!

DEMON
EVERYWHERE!!!!! So then he calls Domino's again, STILL WITH THE BAD RECEPTION. AND YOU...APOLOGIZE TO HIM!

D.E.
I WAS SORRY! I STILL AM!

DEMON
And you PROMISED the problem would be corrected! SO WHAT DID YOU DO?

D.E.
I...I sent him another pasta bread bowl! To make up for it!

DEMON
AND THAT YOU DID, YOUNG MAN. THAT YOU DID. But what happened? IT STILL HAD SAUSAGE PIECES IN IT!!

D.E.
NO!

DEMON
YES!!

D.E.
OK! I admit it! I DID IT! I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON! PLEASE PUNISH ME! TORTURE ME!

DEMON
IT SHALL BE DONE!!

The demon tortures the Domino's employee for all eternity, with a lot of pain and horror and it's really horrible and awful and will never stop.


THE END.

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