Friday, February 26, 2010

Plane Folks

EXT. WING OF AN AIRPLANE

JOE and DENNIS are sitting on the wing of an airplane, 30,000 feet up in the air.

JOE
Pass the mustard

DENNIS
Sure thing. Here you go.

JOE
You know, being homeless ain't so bad.

DENNIS
Nahhh not at all.

JOE
We got fresh air. We got excitement.

DENNIS
We get to travel the world. No prior commitments to busy up our schedule.

JOE
No females, so no need to 'bring home the bacon'

DENNIS
No bacon!

JOE
No home!

DENNIS
Just me, you...

JOE
On the wing of an airplane.

DENNIS
Well I'm going to go to sleep. All this white noise from the jets are making me drowsy.

JOE
Goodnight buddy.

DENNIS takes a few steps and lies down. His body slowly starts sliding away, about to fall off the wing.

JOE
Woh woh woh! Dennis! You're sliding off the wing, man!

DENNIS
Huhh...wuh? Oh...haha, woops. Would you mind...?

JOE
Oh...No. OK.

Dennis lies back down, and Joe puts both his hands on his legs so he doesn't slide anywhere.

DENNIS
Actually, you know, I gotta take a leak.

Dennis gets up, walks a few feet away and starts to pee. His pee splashes all over the airplane windows. People inside the airplane roll their eyes in disgust and murmur disparaging remarks about homeless people, airline regulations, etc, etc.

JOE
I'm just gonna jump.

DENNIS (zipping up)
What?

JOE
I hate this lifestyle. Always worried about falling off the plane. Always having to grab each other. Piss flying everywhere. Birds flying into our faces. I accidentally ate a goose yesterday. It flew right into my mouth.

DENNIS
Oh, would you rather live on a BOAT? Or on a TRAIN? Like a regular hobo? Maybe you'd prefer to live on top of a bus? A big yellow school bus?

JOE
Maybe I DO want to live on a big yellow school bus. Just like my old man.

DENNIS
Well fine. I'll look down on you and wave once in a while.

JOE
Fine. FINE. See ya.

Joe jumps off the plane. As he's falling he aims towards a school bus he sees on the road.

JOE
What luck!

He falls into the school bus with intense velocity and causes the bus to swerve and crash and explode. Lots of people die.

DENNIS
Some people just don't have what it takes.

Dennis knocks on one of the passenger windows.

DENNIS
HEY LADY, YOU DONE WITH THAT MAGAZINE? I GOTTA TAKE A CRAP.


THE FUCKING END.

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